Our ability to use language defines who we are, how we are perceived by others; and in turn our access to services and protection when we need it. Similarly our ability to manage our emotional responses can influence whether we use language to control others, work with others or withdraw.

With respect to language, traumatised abuse victims often struggle to obtain help and protection because trauma impacts their ability to use language effectively. Worse still, many abused children and adult survivors of child abuse, have suffered changes to those parts of the brain associated with verbal skills. This can make Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, a front-line treatment for abuse related trauma problematic for survivors, who have suffered significant neurobiological changes to the centres of the brain associated with language and expression.

With respect to emotions, the inability to regulate emotions is a significant contributor to abuse; domestic, family and or elder abuse. When unregulated emotions are externalized, it can lead to rage. Failure to regulate emotions can in part be due to untreated mental illnesses such as ADHD. This highly inheritable genetic illness impacts around 5% of families. Of those impacted 80% have a co morbidity. Of these around 40% develop ODD so that where conduct problems persist from childhood into adulthood sufferers are more likely to lie, be verbally aggressive, and violent toward romantic partners and or close persons. Current data indicates about one in three ODDs will move on into a more serious disorder involving aggression and the law.
 
Language and emotion regulation play critical roles in relationships, and must be integrated into our understanding of domestic, family and elder abuse and programs for intervention.